Dough-not.

I turned down a doughnut today.

Put it in your diaries, because like Halley’s Comet, it is such a rare event, you’ll want to make a note of it. Scrap that, it’s best you give it equal billing and start a Bayeux style tapestry to mark it in silken thread.

I’ve thought about that doughnut all day. Even whilst chugging back Wotsits and Haribo in my daily planning meeting; whilst I was pounding the pavements on a drudge of a run; when prepping and cooking dinner and now, tapping away writing this.

Denial is a big deal for me, as food is the axis on which my world turns: it consoles me, cheers me up, rewards me and distracts me. The only thing complex about my relationship with food, is the carbohydrates I consume. It is pure, simple LOVE.

Whilst I’m eating breakfast, I am already considering food options for later in the day. I remain furious five years on that my husband waved away a Sticky Toffee Pudding on our wedding day. Yes, I’d had an apple crumble, but if you can’t have two desserts on your wedding day, when can you? I am already planning what I’ll eat as my Friday night treat – and it is only Wednesday.

I will happily admit I am greedy. I know that for some this word has negative connotations; it perhaps implies a complete lack of control – but it feels like the only word to describe my enthusiasm for eating. I eat well – all the food groups, plenty of fruit and veg, and really try and make sure my meals across the week have nutritional balance. It is quite possible to be greedy and (in the main) healthy. I strive for 80% good with 20% treats. I won’t pretend I always make it, but that’s the aim.

I admire people who have the self-discipline to keep on saying no to all treats. You’ll notice that the doughnut was refused, but the crisps and sweets in my meeting were not. I have to have some sugar and spice to my day or it feels like a day half-lived.

All of this has ensured I’ve always had hips you can rest coffee cups on. I have pretty much always been described as curvy – sometimes near the truth; sometimes a euphemism for overweight – as I have coasted close to an unhealthy weight. But the truth is, I have always enjoyed food more than the effort and denial required for me to have a skinny frame.

I am currently trying to lose some weight as I feel uncomfortable in my clothes. I always cut back gradually so I can still put away a few treats across the week. The idea of juice diets, or fast days fill me with horror. One refused doughnut makes me a hero in my own eyes – I should probably have a cake to celebrate.

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