A luxury hotel break is not luxurious unless they’re breaking out the big guns in the bathroom.

There are some things that mark me out as shallow as a puddle – and nowhere is that clearer than when we are talking premium toiletries on stays away from home.

Yes, I love a good view, a great mattress, the Bose sound system and the restaurant with excellent reviews – but know this, pricey hotels: if you are skimping on the shower gel and body lotion, I JUDGE YOU. Harshly. And I will not return.

Luxury bathroom products tell me that you care about every single moment of my stay. If you’ve splashed out on ranges like Elemis, Molton Brown or Jo Malone – I know you’ve realised I value the time for a long soak in the bath, as much as your complimentary brownies with coffee.

I happily accept I’ll be taking my own toiletries along when I stay in a budget ‘lodge’, and I use those hotels all of the time for overnight stays without a murmur of complaint. But if I’ve splashed the cash on lux living, I don’t want to be getting into a lather about low-grade products – I prefer to be lathering up in a roll-top bath with something ruinously expensive and aromatic. My stay away from home needs to not just be a departure geographically, but also one from my everyday life where I’m usually picking Dove over decadence.

Premium products don’t just give good smell though; the carefully selected ingredients ramp up the relaxation. I need this peace of mind not only on holiday, but also to help me stay calm when I visualise the hammering my credit card has taken, when choosing boutique over budget hotels.